Do you ever wonder how some people seem to have confidence and others lack confidence in themselves? Perhaps you know other people who overcompensate how much confidence they have and are not much fun to be around? Confidence in yourself can sometimes be a bit tricky. Yet, we could all use more confidence and using it in a valuable way, right?
Courageous Confidence comes from owning your power, valuing, believing, and trusting yourself. Do you have Courageous Confidence? Would you like to know how to “Build Your Courageous Confidence”?
Owning your power can look different for some people, yet you get to know just how important it is. Owning your Power and having confidence is not being arrogant, demanding, judgmental or belittling of others. In fact, that is pretty much putting a hole in your power! That can come across as being egotistical, full of yourself and just plain being a jerk.
“Courageous Confidence is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are and who you are meant to be!” ~Kris Barney
I want to talk with you about the 3 Essential Skills to Own Your Power to Create Courageous Confidence.
When we master these three essential skills, we are empowered as a leader, we are influential in all that we do, and we are happier within our own skin. It is a lot easier to love yourself when you are awesome, right? Let me share with you a story when I did not necessarily “own my power.”
A few years ago, my husband and I went to one of our favorite places, Lake Powell. On this trip we found a perfect private little island with a beautiful sand beach that had sandcastles already built! Our own little lagoon! It was majestic.
On our third day there, Bill said, “I want to take you out for Ice Cream.” I was excited, this meant going into the marina! It would take us about three hours round trip, because we would not be taking the cabin cruiser, we would be taking Bill’s special boat. This would be the boat I have come to affectionately call “The Little Dingy”. It is his 4-person raft. A blow-up boat! It is about four feet wide and eleven feet long. But you do need to know that this boat comes equipped with a 5-speed electric motor and all the bells and whistles like fishing pole holders and air-filled cushions!
We take off. Bill is fishing. I am catching some rays; the dogs are on-point watching the ducks and we are listening to an audio book.
As we get into the marina, we must pass all of the yachts and houseboats, in fact we passed right by the houseboat that we had owned for many years. As we float past the “Mirage” houseboat, we probably looked like we were in a lifeboat sitting next to a cruise ship!
We go around all the rental houseboats and pull into the first slip at the dock. At this point I notice all the people looking at us. I am sure that they are not admiring “The Little Dingy”. We tie up our boat and Bill hops up onto the dock, thinking nothing of his audience! I on the other hand, am very aware of the attention we have drawn, especially the six adults sitting in lawn chairs out on the deck of the 70’ luxury rental right next to us! They were staring at us because we were their entertainment!
The dock is over waist high. As I stand up. I am trying to keep my balance in the little dingy and not go overboard! Have you ever tried to stand up in a raft in the middle of a lake? It is like trying to balance on top of a beach ball! I am not quite as agile as I once was, but I grab the rope and Bill’s hand and pull myself up onto the dock. We go over to the store, get our waffle cones, and go back out and sit at a table close by “The Little Dingy” and watch as the audience gets even bigger. We even have people talking to our dogs now that are still aboard The Little Dingy!!
By this time, I am embarrassed. I can only imagine what they are thinking! I start to feel inferior, inadequate and I am kind of freaking out! Have you ever felt embarrassed, inadequate or inferior around co-workers, your boss, your family, an audience, even strangers?
WHY? Why do we allow this to happen? When we do this, we are giving them our power!
In this case, I had owned a houseboat; I currently have a cabin cruiser waiting for me down at the lake. We go to the Lake 6 times a year. It was INSAIN for me to let this take my power away from me! It is our responsibility to OWN OUR POWER.
What I have found is we all do this at times. I honestly DID NOT know what they were thinking! I am not a mind reader. Most of the time what we imagine they are thinking is completely wrong or quite exaggerated. Besides that, what someone else is thinking is none of your business! They are evaluating the situation from their perspective, making judgments according to their own beliefs and experiences. They have no idea what you have been through, why you are doing what you are doing and most of them do not really care.
Think about it, “No one can make you feel inferior, inadequate, or embarrassed without your consent. “
“We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.” From our perspective, our experiences, our views according to our beliefs and values.
I want to share with you the 3 Essential Skills to Create Courageous Confidence:
First: Value Yourself.
We get to redefine how we feel about ourselves. We get to know of our value and own it. This means taking care of you, good self-care, nurturing relationships, health and wellness and being positive. It also means loving, honoring and forgiving you. It means respecting yourself and protecting yourself. It means loving yourself unconditionally.
Second: Trust Yourself.
People work with people that they know, like and trust, but it must begin with you! It’s time to Stop doubting yourself, judging yourself and criticizing you! Start treating yourself as good as you do your family and friends. You MUST Trust yourself if you want others to trust you. Trust your decisions, trust your ideas, Trust your heart. Start where you are and go from there. Build exceptional trust in yourself and love yourself fully.
Third: Believe in Yourself.
One way to believe in you more is to build on what you do have and not on what you don’t have. Build on what you are passionate about. Build on your attributes and qualities. Build on your beliefs, your talents, your ideas, your humor, your vision. Build on being your true authentic self. Others will believe in you when you believe in you. Believe that you have your own answers and you can create your very best life!
Back to our story….
My husband and I climbed back into The Little Dingy, (without going overboard). As we made our way back past all of the yachts and houseboats, it dawned on me…. Why was I allowing this in my space at all? I knew better. I teach it. We were doing exactly what we wanted to be doing. We were having a great day. We had nothing to prove to these people that were sitting on a rental boat. We had owned a houseboat very similar to the one they were sitting on and had lived that lifestyle for years with our kids! It made no sense at all to allow this to take my power from me!
By using these 3 Essential Skills, Value yourself, Trust yourself and Believe in yourself; you can own your power. You can be empowered in your leadership, influential in your relationships and happy in your life.
Do you feel like you could improve your confidence? If you were to rate your level of confidence, where would it be? Would it be high or low? What could you do to raise your self-confidence?
I want to share with you one of my 7 Traits to Change Your Life & Your World. These traits are what I teach about in my book: “Leadership From the Inside Out – Are You the Leader YOU Would Follow?” This trait is Courageous Confidence. I teach this trait constantly with my coaching clients as well as in the Corporate World where I share it in many keynote presentations, trainings, and executive coaching. Courageous Confidence is a valuable trait or attribute that affects all aspects of your life, your business relationships, your personal relationships, as parents and spouses, or in your own self-confidence.
Confidence is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are and who you are meant to be. That sounds simple, yet it can be exceedingly difficult for many people.
When I was growing up we were raised to believe that being too confident meant that you were arrogant, egotistical and even stuck up or conceited. Yes, you can come across in those ways if you are not doing it right, but being taught that meant that we were supposed to be submissive, shy, and less than, right? It was completely accepted to live in comparison and judgment of yourself and yet in reality that is one of the worst things you can do! It was totally okay to put yourself down and belittle yourself all the time. What were we thinking?
I love that we now live in a time that it is proven to be a good thing to have Courageous Confidence and to own your confidence! Also, as we develop our self-confidence and believe in ourselves, it creates more room for others to see us that way and for us to also recognize the positive in others.
When I teach this Trait, I share the two types of confidence, Cowardly Confidence and Courageous Confidence. No one wants to feel “cowardly” and yet when we do not own our power and confidence, that is how we come across. When we are not paying attention to how we are feeling and we just allow this to happen, we come across as less confident, not as attentive, less valuable, and fearful. Honestly, that is probably how we are feeling deep down too, but when we have a clear picture in our mind about who we are, what we are about and our value, we come across as powerful, successful, and yes, confident.
I teach this as CREATE Courageous Confidence! I know that it is important to know of our value and worth. I also know that it takes courage to always come from a confident space. I use CREATE as an Acronym to best assist you in taking action and implementing this in your life.
Here is my CREATE for Courageous Confidence:
- C=Conquer: Conquer the voice inside your head. You get to believe in you. The most believable voice is your own. So embrace it, and have positive thoughts about yourself. Be willing to celebrate your accomplishments.
- R=Reinforce: Reinforce by raising personal value and your character. Repeat ‘I am’ declarations and create a list of accomplishments so you can see the proof as to why you are so amazing. Use a vision board to show where you want your life to go, and so you can see it every day. Then reinforce how your confidence in yourself will allow you to achieve your dreams.
- E=Evaluate: Evaluate and examine where you are and what needs to change. Discover how you can improve each day. Evaluate your progress and your failures, so that you can know what your trigger points or setbacks are. Evaluate when times are good, and you are feeling more confident and find what works the most and the best for you.
- A=Accept: Accept where you are. Begin there. We all have ‘reasons’ as to where our confidence has either come from or been taken away by. It doesn’t matter where you are—what matters is what you do about it, and that you do it differently. Does the value of a human being change? NO. We are all born with the exact same amount of value. And at the end of life, it remains the same. Human value does not depend on how much money you make or at what level you are in the workplace. Actual human value does not change.
- T=Trust: Trust the process. Trust yourself. Your own words are the most powerful for you. Trust that you know how powerful you are and trust how owning it will empower you to be stronger and more influential.
- E=Expect: Expect greatness, trust that you deserve it, and trust when it happens. Stop doubting yourself. See yourself the way you want others to see you, and trust that they will and that they do see you.
As you learn each of these, you will be able to wrap your mind around just how important they are.
Thank you for joining me and always remember the 3 Essential Skills to Create Courageous Confidence: 1. Value Yourself. 2. Trust Yourself. 3. Believe in Yourself. These three things will help you to “Build Your Courageous Confidence” faster than anything else!